Mike and I were doing our dog walk when he grabbed my arm as if I were about to step off a cliff.
Mike:Did you SEE that?
Mike:It’s like a MOOSE or something!
Me:A MOOSE? (we live in Maryland. Moose are veryrare.)
Mike:Right on the trail! See? ? !
Mike pointed through the trees like he’d just spotted Godzilla.
I took a few steps around the bend to find this staring at me:
- Who the hell are YOU staring at?
Our dog, Gordon, who LOVES chasing deer, just sat on trail in front of me, staring at the deer, because Mike had HIM convinced this deer was actually some sort of Ninja Stealth Moose disguisedas a harmless deer.
Me:It’s a deer! We see like 3 deer per walk. Not a moose.
Mike:Yeah… but this one isn’t right.
I was about 20 feet from the deer, who stood the middle of the trail, staring at me like, Bring it on, walker bitches. Am I a deer, or am I a NINJA STEALTH MOOSE? You don’t KNOW do you? I’m allup in your heads now.
It was kind of weird.
I started to see Mike’s point.
Me:He ISjust sort of staring at us.
Mike:He’s just standingthere.
Me:Staringat us. Even the dog won’t go after him.
At the sound of the word dog Gordon glances back at me, and then quickly rivets his eyes back on the deer, preventing the cloven-hooved killing machine from getting the drop on him.
I take a deep breath.
The Ninja Stealth Moose (NSM patent pending) cocked his head. Wait. Did his disguise just shifta little?
I try again, louder and with more hand flailing, because if Ninja Stealth Moose’s disguise slips and I SEE his real identity, he’ll HAVE to kill us. Those are just the rules. Even I know that. First rule of Ninja Stealth Moose Club:Protect your secret identity at all costs.
NSM turns around, shows me his fluffy white ass, and looks over his shoulder as if to say, Yeah, I have some place to be anyway. You’re lucky.This time.
He runs off. As he does, two females bolt as well. We hadn’t even seen them in the trees.We had been surrounded.
Me:He was just protecting the does – that’s why he didn’t move.
We continue the walk.
Mike:But it could have been a moose.
I nod. And be those guys who shot Bambi’s mom were justtrying to protect their families.
Or is it?